Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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