could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
