I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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