Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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