can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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