if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
