She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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