Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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