Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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