I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Less talking, more tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
