My room smells like vodka and shame
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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