I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
