I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
