I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
