I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
