a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
