take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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