bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need a beard to bite.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
