I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
