May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize