It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
