at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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