what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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