I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
