i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
