sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
