i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
