1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
