a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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