Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
