apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize