I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
