Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize