Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're a waste of cheezeits
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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