Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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