Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
