just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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