that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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