Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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