You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
