I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
