You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
