if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
