ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
