If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
