the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
