I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
