His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love you.
Bad choice
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
