Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
