Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
