I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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