Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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