i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
