we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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