And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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