words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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