We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
