Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize