I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
