I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize