Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there is glitter all over my balls
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
