There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
