i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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