I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
