Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
