Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
