well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
