How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
