I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Two words: blizzard sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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