i just wanna soil my oats bro
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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