Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
