one two three fourrrrnication!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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