I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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