His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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